I had a great conversation with a friend of mine today. He’s divorced, been playing the dating game and pretty much fed up with it all. We started talking about what he’s looking for in a mate, and it got me thinking about a great book called His Needs, Her Needs by Willard F. Harley Jr.
In a nutshell, all humans have 10 emotional needs: Sexual Fulfillment, Recreational Companionship, Physical Attractiveness, Domestic Support, Admiration, Affection, Conversation, Honesty and Openness, Financial Support, Family Commitment. The first five tend to be the primary emotional needs of men, the second five tend to be the primary emotional needs of women.
As a stripper, I don’t actually fulfill mens’ emotional need for sex. To quote my favorite talk radio host, Tom Leykis, “Strippers are just hookers that don’t put out.”
However, I do satisfy the emotional need for admiration. As I talked about in a previous post. Men are STARVING for attention. The are also STARVING for admiration. Honest admiration is a powerful motivator. When a woman tells a man that she thinks he’s wonderful, it inspires him to achieve more and gives him the confidence to do it!
Thus the old adage: Behind every great man is an even greater woman. Biographies of great men prove it. Men simply thrive on a woman’s admiration. Without it, their confidence -the major source of their success- erodes and eventually crumbles.
Based on my observations of both married and single men in a quasi-intimate setting surprisingly similar to therapy: I find that a man’s level of confidence is directly proportionate to the level of female support in his life. When a man has a woman who admires him, he is on top of the world….and usually not the best customer. After all, he doesn’t need me to tell him that he’s great to boost his ego…he’s got that emotional need met at home.
However, when a man lacks admiration from a woman, he is inherently more aware of his shortcomings. The longer he goes without admiration the more he focuses on his flaws instead of on his accomplishments.
I have observed this across quite a large demographic: rich or poor, handsome or average, single or married. It absolutely blows my mind!
Unhappily married men suffer the most from lack of admiration. All too often, years into a marriage, the admiration stops and instead of the wife appreciating the husband for what he already is; she nags him to become what she wants him to be.
A man’s emotional needs MUST be met. If they are not being met by his wife, a man has no choice but to look elsewhere to meet that innate need. It is my opinion that strip clubs have become a popular option for men who need to meet their admiration need without committing adultery. Essentially, strip clubs are the perfect outlet for the man who doesn’t want to cheat on his wife, yet needs someone to complement him and recognize his small triumphs.
It doesn’t take much effort. Really, it doesn’t. I can see the good in everyone. I’m not going to lie and blow sunshine up someone’s @$$ just for a few bucks. It’s about giving back: I always feel better about myself when I make someone feel good about themself.