1. Christie’s Cabaret
The dirty deeds being done onstage at Christie’s and the even dirtier thoughts bouncing around the filthy minds of its clientele are about the only thing that’s unkempt about the original home of the local topless-oriented chain. While all three Christie’s around the Valley are famous for impeccably ritzy Vegas-like décor and amenities, the Phoenix location is larger and a bit more posh that the others. More than two-dozen kinds of premium bubbly are available via the club’s champagne service, while its private nooks are awash in Victorian-inspired furniture and velvet curtains, giving off a rarified upscale aura that provides and interesting contrast some of the licentious exploits of its dancers.
2. Bourbon Street Circus
Two things that are in absolute abundance at Bourbon Street: Top-shelf women and top-shelf liquor. The phrase “model quality” doesn’t even begin to describe the five-alarm hotties that make up this landmark CenPho topless club’s roster. It’s as if they stepped straight out of the pages of a Victoria’s Secret catalog. For those whose tastes tend towards blondes, they perform nightly, as do stunning redheads and statuesque brunettes. To help quench your dry mouth after your tounge has hit the floor, Tex Avery-style, have one of Bourbon’s barkeeps craft you a primo cocktail or two using its cache of high-end spirits. Just remember, not matter how much liquid courage in fueling your mojo the chances of landing these strippers digits are infinitesimal.

3. Skin Cabaret
A die-hard strip club connoisseur we know described Skin Cabaret thusly: “It’s where to go when you want to catch a buzz and see some beautiful almost naked women up close.” It’s not Walt Whitman’s “I Sing the Body Electric,” by any means, but it’s an apt summation of the Scottsdale exotic establishment. A topless lounge with an almost supper club-like appearance, its bathed in warm tones with visitors catching a gander of the mainstage shenanigans from small table bathed in dim lighting. It’s populated with gorgeous dime-pieces that look like they belong in The ‘Dale. (Our personal fave is the elegant and leggy Veronica). If you’re craving something besides an eyeful of naughty bits, a free buffet is offered daily until 6 p.m. and hourly shot specials are called out by the DJ.

4. Jaguars Gold Club
There’s no shortage of either swankiness or space inside this supersized den of debauchery located just off Interstate 17. When it was built in 2005 as a part of the national chain of Penthouse Clubs, its original proprietors spared no expense piled on the poshness. And while’s name has changed (a couple times, actually), its still as swank as ever, from its tuck ‘n’ roll booths to its marble bars. There’s plenty of (heavy) breathing room in Jaguars’ main showroom, even during the peak nights on Friday and Saturday evenings. The equally large VIP section is cloistered behind a glass wall and cloaked in just enough darkness to afford a great deal of seclusion. There’s even a small shop just off the foyer selling both merchandise and some adult novelties, just in case couple want to get their party to go.

5. Candy Store
Getting into certain high-end ecdysiast emporiums can sometimes be a real pain in the wallet. After coughing up cash for hefty cover charges and valet parking, there’s the sky-high price of booze plus whatever cost is involved with cozying up to some cutie-pie. That certainly ain’t the case at the Candy Store, as all sorts of sweet deals can be had at the North Phoenix topless club.  There’s no cover until 6 p.m. — even then, it only a five spot — drink specials like two-for-one well cocktails on Wednesdays are in abundance, and lap dances are $7. Low-cost doesn’t mean low-rent, however, particularly when it comes to the diverse lineup of lovely-looking lasses working either of its stages or getting up close and personal with patrons. Most are amply-endowed, either through artificial or natural means, helping underscore that the club’s slogan (a riff on an old David Cross joke): “Fake Boobs, Real Beer.”
6. Sugar 44
From the outside, Sugar 44 resembles any of the button-down stucco strip mall edifices common to its corner of Arcadia. Inside, however, is a lascivious tempest of vibrant lights splaying across undulating half-naked bodies as amped-up music drives the action. If not for the large onyx-colored stage equipped with a floor-to-ceiling brass pole dominating things, the place might easily be mistaken for nightclub or concert venue. It’s an apropos comparison, since Sugar 44 has a certain badass air of rock ‘n’ roll raunch (it’s significant hip-hop playlist aside).

Some of the female staff affect a sort of punky, Suicide Girls look, local body mod shops run advertisements on the HDTVs, and the DJ booth is dotted with local band stickers. Metal and alternative anthems also are in equal rotation with urban hits and club bangers, and the colorful clientele includes any number of rocker types into its mix. You might even catch some of the on-air talent from KUPD scoping out some flesh, as the station occasionally co-promotes event here, like the Tattoos ‘n’ Booze party.

7. Hi-Liter
If the walls of the Hi-Liter could magically talk, you’d likely hear lurid tales from the vintage lounge’s 50-year-history, as well as yarns about the countless voluptuous vixens who have shaken many a tailfeather over the last few decades. First opened in 1962 as a piano and cocktail parlor, it later became a go-go joint and topless bar in the ’70s. But while its wide variety of resident ecdysiasts no longer sport thigh-highs or dance to Beatles songs, they’re still plenty groovy. Besides its usual assortment of buxom blondes and Latina beauties getting topless, pulchritudinous pixies in the indie princess vein or roam the oft-crowded club cajoling patrons. One waifish brunette had a whole Zooey Deschanel thing going while another raven-haired female rocked horned-rim spectacles while providing a lap dance to a pale, hepcat-looking fellow. Guess the Hi-Liter is still hip after all these years.

8. Pink Rhino
In its brief lifespan of only five years, this fly-looking Phoenix stripping parlor has endured a whirlwind of ownership and identity changes, going through names (including Dick’s Cabaret, Arizona Gold Club, Babylon Showclub, and The Sweet Spot) like an exotic dancer goes through singles. Its latest transformation into Pink Rhino last year has proven to be popular, however, particularly with the hip-hop crowd.

Those with swagger to spare – not to mention a phat bank account -partake in its limo service before getting whisked away to pop bottles in curtained VIP areas overlooking the rest of the stylishly-adorned club, which could double as some upscale Scottsdale lounge. And there’s plenty to spy inside Pink Rhino, whether its major label hip-hop stars holding after-parties (like rapper French Montana, who visited after his recent Celebrity Theatre gig) or checking out curvaceous shorties of the African-American or Latina variety shaking their moneymakers while big ballers make it rain.

9. Cheetahs
Topless teasings and pole-dancing artistry by Cheetahs’ comely crew of femme fatales isn’t the only eye-grabbing activity one can witness inside the topless joint. It’s become infamous for the weekly stripper cage fights held every Tuesday night. Here’s the setup: Boxing glove blows are exchanged between a pair of barely-dressed babes inside of makeshift octagon made from cyclone fencing while onlookers toss in dollars to egg-on the action. Like most caged combat these days, the competitors throw a few punches before the scene devolves into a wrestling match on the ground, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. In search of another sort of thrill altogether? Cheetahs also features poker on Mondays, and occasionally an amateur night where boob jobs are awarded to the winners.

10. Bandaids
Short on space but long on character, this diminutive CenPho show club is a guilty pleasure sort of place that’s been dishing out topless thrills since the late-1960s (when dancers were obligated by a since-repealed city code to wear adhesive strips as pasties, hence the inspiration behind the name). Divey enough to be charming without crossing over into skeevy territory (its staff keeps the place plenty clean, a must for any strip bar), Bandaids boasts two small stages, dancers who aren’t silicone-enhanced Barbie dolls, and an unpretentious, lo-fi vibe. The floorspace and private booths fill up quickly on weekends, causing patrons to jockey for position and occasionally experience a close encounter with a passing stripped. But, hey, that’s what they came for, right?

Written By Jackalope Ranch.  Follow on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest.

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